Hard Truths II - Determinedly Stubborn

Facing the truth that I was overweight was tough but even harder was accepting that changes needed to be made and THAT was scary. But I made up my mind that there was no other way and that I need to do this for me. And so I joined the gym at the basement of the building where I worked. I did lose weight but I still had may be 20 to 30 lbs. more to lose. Although I was working out and incorporated vegetables and fruits into my diet, binging and eating for comfort was still a huge issue. At the back of my head, I knew that it wasn’t healthy... the binging and then feeling so guilty that I would binge again.... it was a vicious cycle! But I didn’t really want to deal with it... I wasn’t prepared to face it. So I ignored it.

I knew that all this time, God was the one leading me to be healthier. He did it gradually by bring people into my life that spoke of working out, seeing what they ate and hearing them talk about healthier choices. At first, I just listened but not long after that, I started asking questions, reading up on the books they spoke about or just going online and following up on what I heard that day or what we discussed. As my knowledge grew about fitness, so did my knowledge about nutrition and eating habits. I learned about portion control and moderation but what hit me the most was when I read about emotional eating. It struck me hard because it all sounded so familiar. It was exactly what I was doing! But even reading that 1st article about emotional eating and the many articles that followed after, I still wasn’t prepared to get down and dirty with the issue.

As I kept ignoring the subject, God seemed to be consistently pursuing it. It would come up every so often whether in the news, in a magazine I was reading, or hearing people talk about it. It just seemed to be everywhere. But you see... I’m a very stubborn person. So this stubborn person decided to ignore Him. I made excuses like “I’m working out anyway” or “I’m just being vain and it’s just superficial because I just want to look thin”. I mean, why would God want me to deal with my eating? It isn’t like lying or gossiping or drinking alcoholic beverages! Surely, He’s got other issues that He would want me to deal with instead, right?! Well, to answer that question, God decided to take matters into His ever loving but firm hands. I just knew He was saying, “Okay, we’ve tried it your way and in your time but you keep stalling and evading so we will do it My way.” Well, I learned 2 things about myself and God. One, that I’m not very smart. How could I possibly think I can just ignore God and it will just go away?! Foolish girl! And two, that God is truly wiser and His wisdom is far far more superior to us mere humans. Thank you, God, for knowing what is best for me!!!


Allen and I at a wedding in 2006